Shark Night 3D: "And Whatever You Do, Stay Out Of The Water"

Director:  David R. Ellis
Writer:     Will Hayes
                Jesse Studenberg
Starring:  Sara Paxton
                Dustin Milligan
                Katharine McPhee
                Sinqua Walls
                Joel David Moore
                Chris Zylka
                Alyssa Diaz
                Chris Carmack
                Donal Logue
                Joshua Leonard
Rating:     *

Release Date: 30/09/11

Imagine if Jaws, wasn't scary, it was shot terribly in 3D and it took every opportunity to exploit women...this is what it would have been like.

After taking their exams, 7 friends take a break from college and head to a lake house in Louisiana. Whilst having fun and being young things take a turn and they all get picked off one by one, the work of a group of sharks. Within the group you have every stereotype going, the popular girl (Paxton), the geek that pulls through (Milligan), the jock and his slutty girlfriend (Zylka & McPhee), the token black guy and his loud latina girlfriend (Walls & Diaz) and the complete nerd wanting to be accepted (Moore). Each character is completely lame, there is no development, no emotion and you really don't care about them at all. The acting is pretty poor and you find yourself wanting them to get killed by the awful looking sharks at every given opportunity. The choices they make and their whole reaction to the situation is so unrealistic, they even go as far to have a one armed character go out to spear a shark in revenge. What, how...I don't even know. All in all the seven main stars do a terrible job with the badly written script.

Aswell as these characters they manage to rope in some more stereotypes, this time villians. We have two redneck perverts (Carmack & Leonard) and a twisted police officer (Logue), all doing their part to add to this huge cliche of a movie. These three are literally there to pick on the group, mainly the girls, and add an even more absurd twist to the plot. When it comes to picking on the girls they director really makes them go for it. They make them strip and feed them to sharks, and the director takes these opportunities to get a random close-up of a pair of boobs or a cheeky bum cheek. There is even a scene where a girl is jumping in the water and they just ilm her arse and some randomer watches a girl pee. All of these things are so pointless and are just there to make the film "sexy" and "young". Who needs witty, scary and intelligent when you can just gawp at some camel toe, apparently not paying movie goers.

All in all this film is just plain crap, I can't even remember the characters names. There was no emotional connection at all, it isn't scary, the 'jumps' are poor and it is all just so unrealistic. It doesn't even have the fun and self awareness of last years Piranha 3D, which is the only reason that film did well. The writing is poor and as for the 3D...again Hollywood, really?!?! It is distracting and annoying and can be used so well if you actually try to use it correctly. Stop poking swords and stuff at the screen and try to build the environment up, aswell as actually putting us in the film, it really can make a movie spectacular. So basically, if you want to see a decent scary shark film, get Jaws, because this is pants.