Journey 2 - The Mysterious Island: "Who's Up For An Adventure"

Director: Brad Peyton
Writer:    Brian Gunn
               Mark Gunn
               Richard Outten
Starring: Dwayne Johnson
               Michael Caine
               Josh Hutcherson
               Vanessa Hudgens
               Luiz Guzman
               Kristin Davis
Rating:    *

Release Date: Out Now

After the god-awful Journey to the Centre of the Earth was released in awful 3D, I kind of hoped that the whole concept would disappear and be completely ignored. Clearly my plea's were ignored because here we have Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, an even worse film with even worse effects and absolutely dreadful acting, basically it's a cinematic masterpiece...sorry, trainwreck.

Sean Anderson (Hutcherson) is carrying the torch from the first movie as the science-loving teen who's now living with his mother (Davis) and her new husband Hank (Johnson), the most cliched name ever. Of course they have the typical step-son/father relationship, as Hank struggles to connect with Sean until the pair figure out a coded message sent by the latter's missing grandfather Alexander (Caine).

When they figure out what they must do, their adventure begins as they head out to the Pacific to try and find Verne's Mysterious Island. They seek transport from bumbling idiot Gabata (Guzman) and his vapid daughter Kailani (Hudgens), who fill the roles of comic relief and love interest for Sean. 

Like the first terrible film, this one tries to cover it's awful everything by overdoing the action and effect, but that is all just as bad as the plot/directing/acting so it really doesn't help. It has no real substance and just keeps its fingers crossed that colours and shiny things will distract the audience.

Director Brad Peyton literally jam packs the film with action sequences, chase scenes and over sized bugs and tries his hardest to make them look believable and enjoyable. The gang crew of adventurers have no human enemies to face, only the many varieties of exotic creatures and natural disasters threatening to flood the island. The film has no real palpable sense of danger or genuinely scary bad guy, and just comes off as a bad Spielberg knock-off.

The cast...oh the cast, they are just awful and thanks to a crappy script it is almost unbearable to watch. They as a group lack any kind of chemistry and just plod through the film trying to show the emotions the director has probably shouted at them from behind the camera. The funniest pair are young stars Hutcherson and Hudgens, who between them had about as much sexual chemistry as Vanessa Hudgens and a digital camera, if you've seen her "sexy" face you'll understand.
I have never been and never will be a fan of Michael Caine, I'm sorry but I am yet to see that man play a character, I've seen him be Michael Caine, and slightly posher Michael Caine and even slightly hard-man Michael Caine, but apart from that he really cannot act. He never becomes a character and he is no different here. Some people are saying this is a career low for him, but personally I think that he fits in perfectly with his co-stars and the script, as it is all very poor.

Admittedly, Johnson is a tiny bit more commanding as an on screen presence than his franchise predecessor Brendan Fraser. He happily mocks himself up by firing berries off his "popping pecs" and strumming a banjo while singing 'What a Wonderful World' around the campfire. You can't even make this stuff up, I mean really???

Journey 2 chugs along at a slow pace, slotting all the required (cliched) elements into its action-adventure template and adding as much CGI as possible. It literally is the worst film I have seen since Human Centipede 2; and while some kids may enjoy it, I personally would like to see it banned.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - Trailer